she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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