i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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