Dude my mom stole all your condoms
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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