I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize