Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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