my phone needs a breathalizer
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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