tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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