why didn't you poke me back
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
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All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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