i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you had me at cake vodka
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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