I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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