What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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