I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize