I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize