I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize