Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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