So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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