mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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