You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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