Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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