What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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