Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize