I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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