Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize