I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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