Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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