I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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