i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize