I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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