omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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