Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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