Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We are two peas in an std pod
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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