she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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