wrigley field is MILF paradise
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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