He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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