worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize