i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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