I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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