Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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