and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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