I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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