I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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