Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize