I faked an abortion last night.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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