i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
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Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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