I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize