remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize