yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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