You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
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Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
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I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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