Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize