Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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